The Madness of King June


Yeah, it's that time of the year again. E3.

The gaming giants are about to reveal their big steaming pile of marketing fecal matter onto the unsuspecting gaming community. Let the bullshit begin! The trumpets are a-flaring and the standards are in the wind. Can you smell what Microsoft, Sony and Nintendo are cooking? Well, it certainly ain't ratatouille.

Am I being too harsh and virulent without justifiable reason? Perhaps. After many years as gamer, this writer has become somewhat jaded, and very much cynical in his expectations. Why hope when you can despair and spread negativity within the community? It's just fun and games after all. Nothing serious. Right? I know this kind of post would actually look at its place amongst the lowest of the dirtiest forum pits, where flame wars are started because of more trivial matters, but this is just me venting of some of the rancid steam that's been filling up the pipes outo an unsuspecting populace; like Smilex on Gotham City.

A few hours ago, Microsoft got its time on the soap box, spewing yet again a slew of fantastical imagery and technophile-friendly peripherals and add-on services of the future. As the executives on stage were spinning their tall tale, I had a vague impression of deja vu. I was half expecting someone to talk about the Lucid Dream...and jacking into the Matrix. Seems I'm not really the audience for the sort of product the Big Microsoft wants to sell.

Netflix? I don't need it. Last.fm? I can listen to my fucking Internet Radio, since I'm at fucking home.

I won't go into any deep analysis of what I saw and heard today, since I'm still trying to re-establish myself within Microsoft's target market, and I have to admit I'm a bit lost. Let's just say that the whole Project Natal feels like a boondoggle. Note however that my first reaction to the device was possibly influenced somewhat by its association with Kudo Tsuneda. I just don't like the guy. I thought that was Mitch Hedberg for a second, but then I realized : "Oh Shit! It's the dude from Fight Night". And sure, Kudo: I've always wondered what the bottom of an Avatar's shoe looked like...

Not only does the concept not agree with my gamer bones, but the whole presentation was weak, dialed-in and total marketing bull. I have seen sample ladies with better selling skills than that. Oh the Milo sequence is total crock. I don't care what Peter Molineux says about inviting a select few to a private booth so they can really see that's it's not fake or scripted: select few and private booth usually go hand in hand with Non-Disclosure Agreements, and it will be 6 months before anyone who DID see it for real are allowed to say it was shit.

The whole last half of the Microsoft Conference was therefore sad, pathetic, and just pitiful. And if those three adjective mean the same thing, then I can't wait until the Xbox 360 comes equiped with access to a fucking thesaurus.

I will say that Alan Wake looks great. It's way possible that an upcoming Multi-Joueurs show will focuse on this year's E3. Expect rage, bile and the occasional pat on the back.


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